jo_anne_storm: (House -- Not Broken)
[personal profile] jo_anne_storm
Cant eat, cant sleep, cant figure out how to fix this one for her...feeling hopeless, and so helpless as a mother. I am so good at helping people, fixing whatever comes my way, challenging or not, I have the determination, the fire to get it done, but, how do i fight a battle of this magnitude when I am being told I can no longer talk, see, or in any way have anything to do with my daughter? I get that she isnt perfect, NO ONE is! Im the FIRST to admit im far from being the perfect person, wife, sister, daughter friend, ect...But, I will NOT accept Washington County tossing my daughter in jail for the PO's ADMITTED mistakes and making me the villain! Im a BAD mother, I dont love my children, and therefore, according to Judge K. and *Ex*, I can no longer have anything to do with my daughter...or I will be responsible for her going back to prison for another 3 or 4 years. CLEARLY, they dont know me, or my daughter at all. CLEARLY my unconditional love, and supportive mothering skills, my willingness to go to prison, fight and even die or my kids is not enough for this county...

So, now my daughter is sitting in jail for a as yet undetermined amount of time, scared, not understanding what the hell is really happening and more alone than shes ever been in her life...Judge K, is this really how you want to help my daughter? Is this really what you feel is going to "reform" her? ODOC, Washington County and the bullshit "judicial" system put my TEENAGE daughter in prison for years, and then they released her, years later with absolutely NO transitional assistance, no real world applications that could have taught her things like how to fill out a job application, or even APPLY for a job...they toss her out the gate and expect her to KNOW what to do, where to go to get things done...with no direction at all. My daughter lost all of her formative years, high school, prom, her own daughter, her freedom, everything we as teens took advantage of, chronologically she is 21...how about this Judge K...she is still emotionally a 16 year old kid that really doesnt know shit because YOUR PERFECT STATE (DOC) PARENTING didnt care to prepare her for the changes she has faced, emotionally, physically, mentally, or psychologically, You release her with stipulations that a ADULT doing life on the installment plan couldnt accomplish in the time frame given! How about this thought...

*Ex*, why dont you do your job and help my daughter reintegrate successfully? That would mean getting off your ass, leaving that cozy chair behind your cushy desk and actually HELPING her, GUIDE her, SHOW her, EXPLAIN things in terms she might actually understand instead of being lazy, pushy and incompetent and refusing to accept YOUR responsibility and disturbing refusal to accept YOUR share of accountability instead of passing the proverbial buck and blaming everything on me, her MOTHER...YOU KNOW, THE ONE YOU PLACED A NO CONTACT ORDER ON!!! Do your job!

Sometimes, I might not articulate how i feel correctly and everyone that knows me understands with ZERO doubt that I love *son*, *daughter* and *granddaughter* with all of my heart. My choices have not always been the greatest, and some of those bad choices have directly impacted my kids in ways I wish I could take back, but I cant! All I can do is move on, and love them, protect them, cherish them and try to show them that LIFE isnt fun, fair or perfect, but, everything can be used as a LEARNING experience, whether good or bad...I REALLY want feedback from my friends, the TRUTH, good bad or indifferent...based on what you've seen personally about my kids and I. I can handle the truth and I really hope that I get it as opposed to false opinions or statements from people to afraid to hold ME accountable, Im not going to be angry for anything said, I know im not perfect, but, I also know that every beat of my heart, every breath that I take, says Im a PROUD, SOMEWHAT OVERBEARING, EXTREMLY PROTECTIVE MOTHER WHO LOVES HER CHILDREN MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.

And for those that might question the hour...Im MOST DEFINITELY NOT HIGH< TWEAKING OR OTHERWISE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ANYTHING BUT SHEER ADRENALIN! Someone, anyone needs to hear what im saying, and understand that my heart is shattered, my daughters heart is shattered and ALONE, my family is constantly being torn apart by the very judicial system were supposed to embrace and trust. Im going to bed, my mind is reeling, eyes are swollen, but, I needed to say this out loud, regardless of the implications it may have on me or who I offend or piss off. A mother NEVER really lets go of her babies...Im that mother, like it or not. *Daughter* girl, my beautiful daughter, stay strong, have faith and dont loose hope, Im right there with you, loving you and ill fight til I die.*Son* , my most awesome son, you make me very proud, every day and you never fail to amaze me with your strength, your character and your drive, I think your the perfect man, and Id like to think I did something right along the way to help you become the man you are today, I love and miss you (and your hugs) everyday.*Granddaughter* , my precious grandbaby, every beat of my heart explodes with pride and wonder, I marval at your intelligence, your funny mischievous smiles that say 1000 words without uttering a sound, You are my heart and my soul, you are my legacy and I love you. Good night.

(Names changed to be safe.)


Dear Cousin,

The least offensive thing I could say here is that the mother is the first teacher. 

You blame her father and the judicial system for ruining your daughter's life.  For her going back to jail.  For her losing five years of her life during her previous stint in jail.

The mother is the first teacher.

Who taught your daughter right from wrong?  Who taught her to respect others?  Who taught her to strive to better herself? 

Where were you when she was 16, pregnant, and committing whatever crime sent her to jail for five (or more) years?  Were you with your own husband, who is also in jail?  Or with the boyfriend who beat the shit out of you?

Were you teaching her about parental responsibility when you dropped her and your son off with your mother and left for days at a time to be with your boyfriend?

Do not blame the judicial system.  If you want someone to blame, look in a mirror.  Did you encourage your daughter to better herself while in prison?  Did she get a GED, maybe take college courses?  Did you help her by proof-reading her job applications?  By helping her transition smoothly?

There are a few very telling things to me.  The fact that your granddaughter was not left in your custody, but was adopted by an outside family.  The fact that a judge considers you a harmful influence on your daughter to such a degree that he granted a no contact order.  The fact that your first assumption is that people will think that you are high. 

The mother is the first teacher.  And you, my dear, failed spectacularly.

Date: 2013-09-02 06:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elle-blessing.livejournal.com
Good on you for telling it like it is.

Date: 2013-09-03 01:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elle-blessing.livejournal.com
I can totally understand that.

Still, good for you for telling it like it is. I appreciated your internal reply a lot ;D

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