So, Today Sucked
Oct. 14th, 2025 08:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jo_anne_stormIt's been awhile since I updated... So you need background info.
MiL had been having increasing pain since around April. She had chronic pancreatitis, so pain was a constant, but it was becoming worse. And then she was jaundiced.
A couple surgeries, some hoops, etc... There was a tumor at the head of her pancreas. Biopsy showed cancer and the tumor was large enough to be considered Stage 4.
PET Scan, however, showed nothing. And MiL initially took that test to be the end all and be all of tests. She was celebrating. Until she had her next appointment and wondered why they were sending her to radiation oncology.
Because some cancers just do not show up on PET Scans. Especially pancreatic cancer. They were not sure if it was pancreatic or bile duct cancer. Neither is good.
She decided to do chemo. She was not a surgery candidate. But with the gentler form of chemo, she would extend her life and not be miserable. She could have a good Christmas for SiL's twins.
She had her second round Wednesday, and they reduced one of the two infusions that time because her blood count was low. Thurday she was fine.
Friday, DH and I were out of the house for most of the day. We really didn't see her at all. Which is not unusual. She said that she had been awake most of the night from the steroids. (They made her manic.)
We were again out a good deal of Saturday. She was in bed all day. When I checked on her, she said that she was just wiped and there was no reason to call Oncology. I got her to eat a little bit and she said she felt better after that.
Sunday, DH convinced her to call Oncology. She decided that it could wait until Monday. Apparently, nothing was staying in her system, so she was not eating.
Monday, we discovered a plumbing leak on one of the main lines coming into the house. One of 3. (My house is fucking weird.) I did it partway, got Eldest to pick up some plumbing supplies before he left work (he's part-time at Ace Hardware right now.) Leave him and #3 to it while I take MiL to Oncology. Only, what we thought was the issue was not, which meant we would have to dig more out today and figure out the actual issue.
Tests showed that white cells and platelets were nonexistent. Which is what chemo does. She got an infusion to help with that, I picked up some bland diet foods, a new RX, and brought her home.
This morning, she had gotten up and drank some coffee and looked at her mail. Yay, the infusion made her feel better. I made myself breakfast and went to get started on the plumbing issue. #3 went to use the bathroom one last time before we shut off the water...
And came running to get me because MiL was on the floor of the hallway...
I tell him to get DH, who was working from home today, and run to check on her. It's too late. She was already cold. (Yeah, this is not... I'm practical enough to know the truth of this. Even though I was sobbing while on the phone to 911 and telling them that there is no point to trying CPR.)
We do not know exactly what happened. She obviously fell at some point. There was bruising on her forehead, and her side table was turned over in her room. She also managed to pull the ironing board away from the opposite doorway and collapsed in a way that basically closed her bedroom door. Usually, DH would hear something like that from his basement office, but if he was on a call and had his earbuds in...
I assume whatever happened happened pretty quickly. DH heard her moving around at about 7. We found her at about 9.
Part of me feels guilty for not knowing she had fallen. On the other hand, in the past few months, it was not unusual for her to not come out of her part of the house for hours at a time. The coffee and mail meant that she was doing better.
We knew death was going to happen. Neither cancer possibility had a good survival rate. We were not expecting it so soon or suddenly. There's still some shock going on right now.
And, look... I used to adore my MiL. Before she started saying things like gay men are always pedophiles because they love beautiful things and pre-pubescent children are beautiful. But are also great people to send your young son to the circus with... Or that the KKK was invented to walk little old ladies across the street. Or consistently called trans people "he-she-it".
My relationship with her was complicated. But I still did not want her to die.
And, also: I can make my house MINE now! I can take down the artwork that I hate and get rid of the tons and tons of religious books.
Not yet. It will be a slow process. DH and SiL will need to look at several things to see if either of them want it and if there might be any value in it. But both pretty much agree that even if the items were high value when they were bought, lack of proper care has made them worthless.
MiL had been having increasing pain since around April. She had chronic pancreatitis, so pain was a constant, but it was becoming worse. And then she was jaundiced.
A couple surgeries, some hoops, etc... There was a tumor at the head of her pancreas. Biopsy showed cancer and the tumor was large enough to be considered Stage 4.
PET Scan, however, showed nothing. And MiL initially took that test to be the end all and be all of tests. She was celebrating. Until she had her next appointment and wondered why they were sending her to radiation oncology.
Because some cancers just do not show up on PET Scans. Especially pancreatic cancer. They were not sure if it was pancreatic or bile duct cancer. Neither is good.
She decided to do chemo. She was not a surgery candidate. But with the gentler form of chemo, she would extend her life and not be miserable. She could have a good Christmas for SiL's twins.
She had her second round Wednesday, and they reduced one of the two infusions that time because her blood count was low. Thurday she was fine.
Friday, DH and I were out of the house for most of the day. We really didn't see her at all. Which is not unusual. She said that she had been awake most of the night from the steroids. (They made her manic.)
We were again out a good deal of Saturday. She was in bed all day. When I checked on her, she said that she was just wiped and there was no reason to call Oncology. I got her to eat a little bit and she said she felt better after that.
Sunday, DH convinced her to call Oncology. She decided that it could wait until Monday. Apparently, nothing was staying in her system, so she was not eating.
Monday, we discovered a plumbing leak on one of the main lines coming into the house. One of 3. (My house is fucking weird.) I did it partway, got Eldest to pick up some plumbing supplies before he left work (he's part-time at Ace Hardware right now.) Leave him and #3 to it while I take MiL to Oncology. Only, what we thought was the issue was not, which meant we would have to dig more out today and figure out the actual issue.
Tests showed that white cells and platelets were nonexistent. Which is what chemo does. She got an infusion to help with that, I picked up some bland diet foods, a new RX, and brought her home.
This morning, she had gotten up and drank some coffee and looked at her mail. Yay, the infusion made her feel better. I made myself breakfast and went to get started on the plumbing issue. #3 went to use the bathroom one last time before we shut off the water...
And came running to get me because MiL was on the floor of the hallway...
I tell him to get DH, who was working from home today, and run to check on her. It's too late. She was already cold. (Yeah, this is not... I'm practical enough to know the truth of this. Even though I was sobbing while on the phone to 911 and telling them that there is no point to trying CPR.)
We do not know exactly what happened. She obviously fell at some point. There was bruising on her forehead, and her side table was turned over in her room. She also managed to pull the ironing board away from the opposite doorway and collapsed in a way that basically closed her bedroom door. Usually, DH would hear something like that from his basement office, but if he was on a call and had his earbuds in...
I assume whatever happened happened pretty quickly. DH heard her moving around at about 7. We found her at about 9.
Part of me feels guilty for not knowing she had fallen. On the other hand, in the past few months, it was not unusual for her to not come out of her part of the house for hours at a time. The coffee and mail meant that she was doing better.
We knew death was going to happen. Neither cancer possibility had a good survival rate. We were not expecting it so soon or suddenly. There's still some shock going on right now.
And, look... I used to adore my MiL. Before she started saying things like gay men are always pedophiles because they love beautiful things and pre-pubescent children are beautiful. But are also great people to send your young son to the circus with... Or that the KKK was invented to walk little old ladies across the street. Or consistently called trans people "he-she-it".
My relationship with her was complicated. But I still did not want her to die.
And, also: I can make my house MINE now! I can take down the artwork that I hate and get rid of the tons and tons of religious books.
Not yet. It will be a slow process. DH and SiL will need to look at several things to see if either of them want it and if there might be any value in it. But both pretty much agree that even if the items were high value when they were bought, lack of proper care has made them worthless.
